My Virtual Memoir

My virtual memoir deals with how a significant event impacts a person and the people close to that person. In my memoir, I decided to do something that really related to me. The significant event expressed in my memoir is the discovery that my mother had breast cancer and all of the procedures that followed her discovery. The following entries are accounts of her memory of what happened and exactly how she felt. The memoir is written in a diary form, and all the facts correlate to real days and real events.



DAY 1- October 26, 1999

Today was what one would call “The Big Day”. I reluctantly mustered up enough strength to finally visit my doctor after finding a fairly large lump in my right breast. “What’s the worst that can happen?” was all I could repeat in my head as fear sent chills through my body. I sat in the checkered blue seats in the waiting room with tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. I knew that something was wrong, but the hardest task was trying to appear as though everything was fine. I looked to my left as my mother twiddled her fingers with anxiety and then I took a glimpse to my right as I saw my sister skimming through a magazine attempting to look relaxed. As name after name was called for patients to go in and see the doctor, I scrunched down lower and lower into my seat as I pulled my hood over my head. Suddenly my heart sank and my body went numb as I heard what I had been dreading to hear all day, “Juliette Fulton, the doctor will see you now”. The moment of truth had finally come and I was definitely not prepared to hear the truth. Before the bulky door closed I took a glance back at the two most important women in my life. They both leaned in to hug each other and recited a prayer with a grieving facial expression. After entering the room assigned to me, I set motionless and emotionless. It was as if my brain had escaped from it’s jail cell in my head and ventured off to another planet. Finally the doctor entered the room with an apathetic attitude. This made it obvious that something was terribly wrong. I lost myself again as my eyes danced around his name tag which said “Dr. Mendez” in a fairly interesting font. He spoke for several minutes but it seemed as though he were speaking some foreign language, one that no one on the planet could comprehend. The without doubt, I heard one word that truly stuck out from the rest. A word that made me burst into tears, a word that made my family run into the room and embrace me as I cried my heart away. That word was “Cancer”.


DAY 2- October 27, 1999

I refused to get out of bed all day today. I did not want to speak to anyone and I definitely didn’t want anyone to hear of the news that I heard yesterday. Not one person besides my mother and sister could know of my situation because gossip would spread rapidly and soon everyone would be aware of my condition. I simply could not allow my three sons to know that their mother was severely sick and could possibly be facing… death. My sons and I have a very close and tight bond, so it is rather obvious when something is bothering one of us. Just as I closed my eyes to allow a tear to fall, my youngest son appeared in the doorway of my room. Kashif, who was six years old and turning seven in two months, stared at me and asked me if I was going to die. Before I could respond to this question, he burst into tears and ran out of the room. My stomach curled into knots as seeing him in pain caused me to experience pain. I thought for a second, and then realized that he must have overheard my mom and sister speaking about my condition. As I approached Kashif to assure that I would be fine, I noticed that both Taqwann (8 years old) and Jawann sat motionless while rivers of tears flowed down their cheeks. This was exactly what I didn’t want to happen.
DAY 11- November 5, 1999

So today was my oldest son’s birthday. I bought him a new bicycle in hopes that riding a bike would allow him to escape into a world wear he wouldn’t have to constantly worry about his mom. Although today was a special day for my son, it was also a special day for me. Today I met with my cancer doctor, also known as an oncologist, and my surgeon. This was my first visit with them, but it definitely would not be my last visit. Yesterday, I was told that I would have to visit these two men periodically leading up until the life changing day on which I would have my surgery. I was told that my life for about the next year or so would be what some may consider a hell on earth. I would have to constantly attend doctors appointments, undergo a life changing surgery, undergo chemotherapy, and experience the pain of radiation treatment. I strongly disliked the fact that I have to go to the doctor on my son’s birthday, but after he received his present he seemed to understand my situation. He stared into my eyes and said “Mommie, it’s okay if you have to miss some of my birthday. I just want you to live to see my next birthday”. I hugged him, attempting to stay strong but these words truly hit me hard. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I realized that my son’s were severely affected by my disease. I noticed that Kashif began to cry nearly everyday, Taqwann worried so much that he threw up daily, and Jawann on the other hand mature rapidly and aided his brothers through this hard time.


DAY 38- December 2, 1999

It’s four o’clock in the morning and I have just woken up. Today is the day of my surgery, in which the surgeon will remove the cancerous lump from my right breast. I must arrive at the doctor’s office by six o’clock and my surgery will begin at eight o’ clock. May I take back my previous statement that I have just woken up at four, because truthfully I have been awake ever since yesterday. I simply could not fall asleep, as anxiety kept me on edge and haunting nightmares appeared at every chance they could. See, I am naturally a strong person so I have been pretending that the surgery did not scare me in anyway. I thought that this would allow the people around me to be strong also, but deep down inside my stomach was eating all of my internal organs and everyone dear to me experienced the same feeling. No one could completely suppress their fears, which was noticeable through the intensity and sternness displayed on everyone’s faces. I, however; can not linger on fear because I have to face this no matter what. About an hour has elapsed since I first started writing this entry. If all goes well I should be writing again soon, if not then I love you all and I will miss you dearly…

DAY 59- December 23, 1999

It is exactly three weeks after my surgery, and as you may be able to tell, all went well. I was released from that dreary hospital three days after my surgery and I have been on bed rest to recover for the past three weeks. Now that the life risking surgery is over, tensions have decreased and fears have faded since what we thought was the hardest part was over. I am still heavily medicated and my body is weak. I feel like a phantom floating above the bed that I am lying in, without any physical attributes. I can hardly move my fingers and toes, along with my cloudy and blurred vision. However, in the midst of this unearthly state that I have found myself locked in, I can vaguely remember a particular moment that took place two days after my surgery. As I was lying in bed connected to all the machines like a robot, Kashif and Taqwann walked in holding hands. They both reached out to me and belted out in unison that they would do all of their chores and do what ever God wanted them, all so I could be healed of my disease. At that moment my mother stormed in and told the two youths that everything was going to be okay and that I was not in the right state of mind or condition to hold a conversation with them. The image of this scene makes me feel earthly again, causing me to come back down from my supernatural state. I feel the soreness and pain again, I need another dosage of medication, or maybe I just need to sleep.


DAY 82- January 15, 2000

My first session of Chemotherapy took place today. To make a long story short, they inserted poison into my body. This poison kills off most of the cells in the body, good or bad, but mostly the bad ones. I have been sick to my stomach since the session, and I am simply disgusted at the fact that this will take place every three weeks for the next nine months of my life.

DAY 103- February 5, 2000

Today was my second session of Chemotherapy. Seconds after the session was over I found myself leaning over the toilet barfing up whatever I could find in my stomach. My body quivered as I grasped the side railings around the toilet. As I stroked my hair back to assure that I wouldn’t puke in it, I froze in shock. A large patch of hair remained in my hand and this patch in my hand corresponded to the empty patch in my head. I sat and cried for nearly an hour and then finally I mustered up the strength to put on my sweater and leave the hospital. As I walked into my room I found my sister lying in my bed crying asking God why he plagued her sister. This hurt me badly, seeing as how I hated to see my family upset or in pain. My oldest son, however; was my only source of strength. He allowed me to understand that I was still alive and walking , so I still had something to be grateful for.

DAY 355- October 15, 2000

My chemotherapy sessions have finally ended, and I have finally began to view my self as a human again. I finally consider myself to be somewhat attractive with my new wig, and I have actually gained a little confidence. Towards the last couple of sessions, my body was able to adjust to the treatments so I didn’t get as sick as I did in the first couple of sessions. Tomorrow will be my first step into the last leg of my journey, radiation treatment.
DAY 356- October 16, 2000

Here I am, essentially motionless after my first radiation treatment. Every inch of my body aches, and simply opening my eyes is an arduous task. My whole body temperature has risen due to the radiation, and the spots where the radiation was used to burn away any remaining cancer cells was especially warmer then the rest of my body. I am finding it hard to find reasons why I should leave my bed, all I want to do is stay in bed and not move. I knew that this would be the way I would feel for the next six weeks as I went back for my weekly radiation treatment. Six more weeks, at least I have something to look forward to.


DAY 398- November 27, 2000

I have finally completed all of the surgery and follow-up treatment that coincided with my breast cancer. I have a couple of inches of hair on my head, and I have gained a significant amount of weight due to the sudden return of my appetite. I am ecstatic to finally be done with all of the sickening procedures. I have noticed that my pivotal experience had a large impact on not only myself and the way I view life, but also on my family. I learned to appreciate life and be grateful for every little thing you have. I also learned that one should not try to hide things and they should utilize the people around them as a support system. My family was also impacted by the discovery of my breast cancer. My youngest son was very sad and pessimistic in the beginning, but learned to be stronger and look at the brighter side of life. Taqwann matured greatly as he started out with worrying to the point of actually being physically sick to comforting his younger brother. Jawann by far showed the most strength as he helped his mother when she was ill and he stepped up to make his brothers feel better about the situation. I now understand that significant events not only affect one person, but they also affect the people around them.

Virtual Memoir

Hey guys, so I'm almost done with my virtual memoir and I'm really excited to post it later and see what you guys have to say about it. I decide to stick with the driving question which dealt with how a significant event affects a person and those that are near to them. My memoir is in journal form and I will either post it later tonight when I get home, or sometime tomorrow.

Metacognition

The Advanced Placement World History course this year has truly allowed me to develop a stronger thinking pattern and become a more efficient student overall. Our in class discussions and interactive projects forced us to actually get an insight into the world of ancient history. This allowed us to not only enjoy the course more, but it also helped us see significant events from a different view point rather than simply studying from an archaic textbook. I feel as though my note-taking skills improved dramatically and this is a skill that I believe will aid me in not only my future history class, but also in all of my other classes. Next year in Advanced Placement U.S. History I feel as though these skills will allow me to have a much more peaceful and relaxed experience. Through studying the treatment of women throughout history, we were able to develop the skill of determining patterns in history. Patterns of the rise and fall of civilizations were also noticeable. I have also learned to analyze and draw factual based conclusions on the readings that I was assigned .The skills gained in this course have allowed me to excel in this class, and hopefully aided me to do well on my A.P. Exam. I believe the skills will also allow me to flourish as a student and achieve as much as I can in not only school work, but also in life.

Waiting for Snow in Havana Quiz

1. Name 3 Conflicts and describe
· On the way back from a party with the family, Carlos and his family are approached by a man who begs for them to help him because he is going to be killed. Carlos talks about how the look in his eyes reminded him of the looks in the eyes of Jesus from his reoccurring dream. Carlos feels bad for the man and his eyes make him want to try to help him, but they refuse to do so and they leave the man, only to see his picture the next day after him being killed.
· Carlos’ aunt on his father’s side ends up having an affair with an American man and becoming pregnant from him. Even though she and the man were both married, they end up having a child and getting married. This causes the family to segregate her and simply not deal with her because they did not agree with the way she acts. This later changes when Carlos insists that he meets her, so his father must meet with her and then the rest of the family soon follows and begins to interact with her again.
· Marie Antoinette and Louis the XVI fight during Christmas time. Carlos’ father insists on having the nativity scene which is a native Cuban custom, while his mother desires to put up a Christmas tree which is a more Americanized custom. Carlos decides that he prefers the Christmas tree because he enjoys the gifts that Santa brings. This conflict shows the ideologies of the two parents; his father was stuck in his Cuban ways while his mother was on the verge of Americanization.

2. Name and describe 3 Motifs
· The reoccurring dream of Jesus scares Carlos. Carlos feels as though the dreams represent his sins and the need for him to forget about all of his desires and become a better person. For example, the dream occurs after Carlos gets drunk as a youth, and this scares Carlos because he fears that Jesus has something to tell him and he doesn’t know what it is he wants to tell him.
· The lizard is a reoccurring symbol in the book, as Carlos constantly tries to kill them due to his strong abhorrence of them. The lizard simply represents the Cubans and their persistency to live their life the way it was before, showing their blindness to their changing environment.
· The Cuban shaped cloud reminds Carlos of his life in Cuba. It also shows how nothing is permanent seeing as how his life in Cuba changed and he was sent away to the Americas.

3. Describe two themes (major and minor)
· Freedom (major)- freedom is a major theme in the memoir because Carlos constantly speaks of how Cuba had so many more freedoms then the U.S did before Castro came to power. He talks of how Cubans could do more and experience more “dangers” then the people of the U.S. and he really enjoyed this. However, after Fidel rises and all of the privileges in Cuba are taken away, the Cubans really experience what it is like to not have the freedom that they were so proud of before.
· Anger (minor)- anger is a minor theme seeing as how he becomes angry at the idea that his father knows that things are starting to change as Fidel rises to power but he does nothing to save them or protect them. Carlos and his brother viewed their father as the “protector” but he did nothing when he realized things were changing in Cuba, seeing as how their mother was the one who made the decision to send them to America.

4. Describe two moments that he describes his childhood in a different way
· His recounting of the incident with the “zoo” is particularly unique in my opinion. Carlos speaks of how one of his neighbors turned his backyard into a zoo and he talks about the cursing birds and the monkey. He then remembers the monkey in a green outfit and how the monkey escapes and bites him on the butt. This moment in which he describes his childhood really sticks out because it really personifies the animals and his memory of the scene is impeccable.
· When Carlos tells of his Aunt Lucia who had no desires, he really remembers things from a mature view. He speaks of how she had no desires and no friends and she basically just went through life without trying to do anything with herself or others. She eventually works after her mother dies and she owns the house they lived in, but she handed over the deeds and lived in a backroom. Carlos says that he wishes that she had desires and that he would have wanted her to desire to die in the very house that she owned. In this case, this account was a very mature memory seeing as how not many youths would think in such a way.

5. Discuss theme of forgiveness

The theme of forgiveness is very significant throughout the memoir. Carlos continuously remarks of how he must forgive his father since he had become angry at him. Carlos gets mad that his father noticed the changes happening in Cuba and did nothing to save them. He later forgives his father as he has a dream in which his father appears saying that he is free now.

The Book!!

Hey, so we finally finished the reading "Waiting for Snow in Havana" last friday. I think the book was amazing and the author really used unique ways to describe events from his past. We also took a quiz, which I'm going to upload to my blog in an hour or so. The quiz discussed major themes and motifs, along with significant conflicts.

Later today I will also upload some of the study guide questions that we have been asked to answer.

I will probably upload them tonight because today's my brother's big graduation day. :)

Driving Question?

In my AP World History class, we have been asked to come up with a driving question relating to our reading of "Waiting for Snow in Havana" by Carlos Eire. Although I have considered several broad questions, I would really like to have a very specific question which could be answered by a significant person (ex. a survivor of a tragic event or a person who has experienced extreme hardships). One of my potential driving questions is the effect of history on the future of the world, seeing as how we have noticed that history is like a swinging pendulum that repeats itself. Another one of my potential driving questions is how does a major event or occurrence affect those involved and those close to the people involved. My final potential driving question relates to the decision for a Cuban parent to send their child to America alone in order for hope of a new life and how this decision affects the family back in Cuba.

This project is due June 4th, so hopefully I can narrow down my options soon. Please reply if you have any suggestions. :)

"This is Cuba"

The documentary that we have been watching, which shows the "real" Cuba, is simply unbelievable. The documentary truly shows the hardships and struggles that most Cubans experience, and it shows the harsh living conditions of Cuba. In the documentary, an American male journeys to Cuba and takes video accounts of what is actually occurring in Cuba at the time. This we learned was not only dangerous, but also against the law. Within the documentary, one can learn of the cutbacks put in place after the Communist reign in Cuba and the impacts on all the native people. Each Cuban family was given a ration book, which kept track of the supplies they received from the government. These supplies added up to basically nothing, and left the people of Cuba without supplies and necessities. Many Cubans resort to black markets or illegal means of buying and selling goods in order to obtain necessities and/or make money for a living. The signs that are mounted all through out Cuba stating "Socialism or Death" really shows the strength of Communism in Cuba. The video also displays the many different opinions of Cubans towards their leader. Some believe in Castro while others want him out of the government (although they cannot openly state this because it could lead to time in prison). The mass emigration of Cubans from Cuba when Castro "opened the gates" explains how many Cubans disliked their native land. This documentary has really opened my eyes and allowed me to further understand what is occurring outside of my community. The conditions are really inhumane and I feel as though we should do all that we can to help the people of Cuba and other regions which are experiencing similar conditions.